tried to do the hw thing but couldn't focus because i napped at 6ish & felt too groggy & disoriented. now i feel more awake but just too lazy. anyhow, i started reading my journal from the beginning of this school year. it's sorta amazing, i never expected it to have such an affirming effect in retrospect. at the time, i was writing from a place that never felt like it would get better or over it or change. then with time, all that weight lifted & i became me again. it's really bizarre in a sense. even though it was a few months ago, it was the end of several years of accumulated bad feelings and it all couldn't feel further away from now. every thought i have about it is thankful that it's over and more appreciative of now.

some pieces from then:
i don't understand but i'm going to have to be understanding and it will fucking suck until it doesn't anymore.

i still listen to npr & hear a touching story or read something and want to share it with him. the thing is it hardly ever meant anything to him. it was always more of a comfort to me to recognize pieces of us in others.