back in Portland from a week of living at Mystic Lake hotel & casino for PSO. Currently, it's the end of my 4th day at WISDOM, as a VISTA (volunteers in service to america) - but I thought I'd do a quick recap of PSO (pre-service orientation).

I flew in a day early to Minneapolis, as I was flying stand-by. I hung out in the Mall of America from 9a to 3p, until I could check into my hotel. it was encouraging being surrounded by material goods and having no desire to shop - yippee! the next day, I went to MOA again to catch the shuttle to Mystic Lake hotel - I started to get a little bit nervous, but am glad I didn't have enough time to focus on those feelings, thinking about logistics instead. once at the hotel, everyone was open and friendly. we all were there to meet one another and absorb whatever the experience brought. I enjoyed the luxury of an immediate community based on the commonality that we were all there, that we were all about to be VISTAS, and we were all new. ... plus other luxuries, the hotel had a pool, hot tub, sauna, separate work out facility, all our meals were catered, and everyone got a VISTA messenger bag (freebies!).

we had some intense group discussions on historical trauma, poverty, and race & identity. i say intense for me, because it made me question my own racial identity. personally, i kinda hate hitting that emotional wall in public or group settings - it's uncomfortable and it's hard to be open with that many people and trust you'll be understood. furthermore, i feel like i have these discussions with my friends, so it's hard for me to approach it from a new and un-tired perspective. the topics conjure up rather negative feelings and you have to then unpack those - which is very straining. i think my PSO, in combination with this week of team building at WISDOM have been helpful and enriching, overall.

that said, in thinking about my own racial identity - i can't help but recall all those moments of ignorance, hurt, and miscommunication through out my 'hefty' 23 years of life.

bleh. anyhow, somewhat an emotionally draining week, but also really great co-workers and i think it's gonna be a good work environment and our office space is really awesome. there are plans of permaculture, sweat lodge, tepee, garden, chicken coop, rabbit hutch, fire pit and green house. hur-rah.

i have an immense and somewhat daunting amount of reading and research to do at this point, as far as what i'm demanding of myself. oh, also - Winona LaDuke spoke at PSO and it was great! sustainability! self-sufficiency! empowerment! all those things i like. i'll post a reading list soon.